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"
Look at the rain long enough, with no th o u g h t s in your head, and
you gradually feel your body falling loose, shaking free of the world of reality.
R a i n has the power to hypn o tize.
"I didn't want to be a burden to any boy," she continued. "You know what I mean. There were so many things I couldn't do...All I could do was sit with someone, talk, and listen to music, which boys that age couldn't stand for very long. And I hated that...If I had gone out with you then, I know I would have ended up being a burden to you. you would soon have been fed up with me. You would have wanted to be more active, to take a running leap into the wide world outside. And I wouldn't have been able to endure it."
"Shimamoto-san," I said, "that's impossible. I never would have been impatient with you. We had something very special. I can't explain it in words, but it's true. A special, precious meaning." (She looked at me closely, her expression unchanged.) "I'm not some great person," I continued. "I'm not much to brag about. I used to be pretty crude, insensitive, and arrogant. So maybe I wouldn't have been the right person for you. But there is one thing I am certain about: I never, ever would have been fed up with you. That, at least, makes me different from other people you knew. In that sense I am indeed a special person for you."
( Shimamoto's gaze again shifted to her hands on the table. She lightly spread her fingers, as if checking all ten of them. "Hajime," she began, "the sad truth is that certain types of things can't go backward.
Once they start going forward, no matter what you do, they can't go back the way they were. If even one little thing goes awry, then that's how it will stay forever." )
"
(murakami, "south of the border, west of the sun")
i n t h a t g e n t l e d a r k n e s s ††† t h e r a i n c o n t i n u e d t o f a l l w i t h o u t a s o u n d .
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