murmurmur

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well, what is a heart murmur anyways?  i heard her say that she knows how many times a heart beats per second, i heard her bragging about it like it was so goddam important- but at eight what does she really know? besides, it's once, isn't it? just once. just one beat, just once.  when we went up on that mountain, i kept thinking about how you said it flutters inside and i thought how i would like to reach in and press my palms against its treble trembling, because what is a racing heart when nobody has to run? walk, don't run. walk!, don't run it's alright to be the second one up, it's alright to stop midstride and listen, but do not break the beat. i wish my hands could make the meter, model the measure, but you know i was never good at music.  when we stopped on that mountain and pressed our ears to the sky, everything rustling was a golden palpitation.  my mother rebuked me for wearing shorts, was it pride or the heat?, you'll be tickbitten for weeks; but there was no ticking, no beat, no rhythm just the shuffling of sound and the earth murmur.  does a murmur beat a shout? does a heart murmur twice for every second it beats? weeks of silent shout and the loudest shuddering pulse. everything turns dry, everything stirs in its husk, even phantoms whisper when unsummoned.

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