if i don't know for sure

***

this morning started without alarm, my inner clock competing jealously with the small metal pebble nestled beside my head. i brought my hands slowly before my eyes and took my embryo-daybreak breath: relaxing as i let it out. remarkable. i am yet unmetamorphosed.  i slip out of the silent womb of blankets and pad into the hallway where, standing before the mirror, i clown and wonder what song the line Now I Know I'll Never/Overcome this Madness if I Don't Know For Sure is from.

in the shower, i remember with sadness

it's hard to say, but i think you'd better/
just say you don't love me, you don't love me anymore/
i've been waiting in line, now i know i'll never/
overcome this madness if i don't know for sure/
so just sit down by the fire, love, sit down by the fire/
there ain't no way to get what i want

i am struck by a moment of grief, ice white, but presently i remember that indeed i know for sure, and that i must keep moving, and that today i have places to go. and so finally, my circadian clock feels a tick or two in front of me, and i don't mind if it wins this race.

***